It’s You and Me Baby

The antithesis of bonding is stress.  Unfortunately babies are not oblivious to stress.  When a parent is either overwhelmed, rushed, or preoccupied children, even babies, pick up on it.  They will feel less safe.  The lack of security they feel can have a real effect on them. For example, one researcher tracked stress and cortisol (the body’s stress hormone) levels in one group of children from birth to ninth grade.  They found that stress hormones in the brain may affect the development of regions in the brain that help you deal with stress.  Therefore, the more stress a child feels the less equipped he or she will be to deal with it.  In addition, we all know that stress lowers the body’s ability to fight infection–again because of cortisol release.

How do I know if my stress is effecting my baby?  The first way to know is by how you’re reacting to your baby.  If you are less patient with your baby and more easily frustrated than you are probably letting the stress get to you.  Also, if your baby is more easily frustrated than he or she is probably feeling your stress as well.  Your baby or toddler may cry more easily or more often.  He or she may be harder to console, be more clingy, may tantrum more, or even hit, bite, or throw toys.  Don’t get upset.  Use those behaviors as a sign that you need to take a time out.  What do I mean by that?  You can take a mental time out and try to put your stressors out of your mind and focus on your child.  Turn off the computer, cell phone, or house phone and just spend time with your child talking, reading, or playing.  Go to the library or playground for a change of scenary.  Maybe your situation is so stressful that you need to take a time out to be away from your child–a couple hours at the book store, your church, or going for a walk.  Find someone to watch your baby while you take some time to clear your mind.  When you get back to your baby you’ll feel better.

Don’t be afraid to talk to your baby about your feelings and about his or her feelings.  For example,  you could say,”mommy was upset but now I feel better, you may have felt scared when I was like that but you’re OK, I wasn’t upset with you.  I love you and I’ll always love you no matter what happens.”  Your baby may not understand everything your saying but they will feel comforted by your tone of voice and eventually they will understand.  Since you don’t know exactly when they might start understanding then starting to say things like this sooner than later is better.  Rushing to go somewhere is also a stressful time.  I always feel bad rushing my children to be on time.  If that happens, then I try to remember to apologize.  I think little things like that go a long way.

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