It’s You and Me Baby

 Back in the 1970s everyone thought formula-feeding was a great idea.  Well, thank goodness for all the research that has outlined the tremendous advantages of breastfeeding or giving expressed breastmilk to babies.  Well, thank goodness as well for all the great information about the benefits of holding or “wearing” your baby.  It’s not just trendy.  It’s healthy.  Read some of our early discussions about the benefits of babywearing, touching and holding your baby, then find great babywearing gear at www.itsyouandmebaby.com (FREE SHIPPING is provided on any order).

Nursing in public has become so much more socially acceptable.  Many women feel comfortable breastfeeding in public places but there are many that are self-conscious.  Nursing in a ring sling like the Maya Wrap is great because you can position the child so that others cannot see the child going to breast and use the long fabric tail to help cover your nursing child.

It’s an idea used by pediatrician Dr. Harvey Karp to describe what newborns are like for the first 3 months after they are born and what soothes them.  When a baby is born he or she will often be comforted and consoled by things parents or other caregivers do that emulate what it was like in the womb.  For example, a tight swaddle is often soothing to a newborn.  Maternity nurses are experts at swaddling.  Maybe that’s why babies are frequently sleeping quietly in the newborn nursery despite lights and noise.  They are usually tightly swaddled.  Being tightly held is like being confined to the uterus.  Wearing a baby in a baby carrier, pouch, or sling can do the same thing because it surrounds and conforms to the baby’s body.  Since mom or dad is often carrying the baby around there’s the added advantage of motion which can lull the baby.  You can hold your new baby all the time or you can “wear” him or her in any number of slings available on the market.

Did you realize that the process of bonding with your baby and creating a secure attachment would influence your baby’s success in life?  Well, developmental experts tell us that when a baby has bonded nicely with his or her caregivers it builds trust in relationships and an ability to connect with other people.  In Dr. Stanley Greenspan’s book Great Kids he says, “Throughout her life, a child must be able to ‘read’ and relate to a range of people.  As she grows up, this ability to connect will allow her to make friends and form a variety of relationships with significant loved ones, with casual acquaintances, and with colleagues and clients.  In times of stress, she will turn to those close to her to help her feel better and find solutions to problems.  Through connections with others, children and adults share the pleasures, joys, angers and sorrows of their lives.”  So bonding with your child is important, not only to feel safe and secure as an infant and child but also to form healthy, successful relationships as an adult.  The lessons of engagement start with the intimacy of an infant’s bonds with his or her parents.  So how do you “bond”?  Well, it’s a process and doesn’t necessarily start with one magical moment.  If you read some of our other posts you can get more details about fostering a bond with your baby.  In summary, here’s what you can do:

1. Talking

2. Playing (games like peek-a-boo,  my kids are 2 years and 4 years now and still enjoy peek-a-boo!)

3. Reading (even to young infants)

4. Holding, caressing, infant massage, babywearing (unfamiliar with “babywearing”?  Check out our other website www.itsyouandmebaby.com)

Tired of hearing people tell you that you’re spoiling your baby by holding him or her?  Well, we hope you can dismiss their opinions and hold your baby as much as you want.  Newborns want to be held alot and it’s natural.  It’s a survival instinct for them but it can be enjoyable for mom’s and dad’s.  It’s such a short time that they are so young and so little.  It can become difficult to do everything one-handed so we recommend “babywearing” or carrying your infant in a baby carrier or sling.  See some of our other posts like “Doctors and developmental professionals agree” to find out more about the many benefits to babywearing.

Many parents end up using a car seat carrier for holding their baby.  It’s a great convenience but very limiting for the baby and he or she losses out on so many advantages of being closer to mom and dad.  Once a caregiver gets used to a sling-type carrier (which can take time) it’s so much better for everyone.  Here are some advantages of babywearing: 

1) the child feels the warmth of the mother or father

2) the baby feels and hears the parent’s heart beat and voice

3) the baby smells the parent’s scent

4) it mimicks the womb making the baby feel calm and secure

5) the parent’s motion can lull the child to sleep.

In addition to freeing up the parent’s hands babywearing distributes baby’s weight more evenly across a parent’s back.  It’s better for baby and better for mom and dad.  The baby slings at www.itsyouandmebaby.com come with instuctional DVDs which can help a caregiver learn how to use one.

There is so much out there about mother-infant bonding but fathers are equally as nurturing.  Fathers have their own unique way of relating to their babies and babies need this difference.  Studies on father bonding show that men who are given the opportunity and encouraged to take an active part in their children’s care become just as nurturing as mothers.  Fathers should be encouraged to care for their infants in every way.  If a mother is breastfeeding there are plenty of other opportunities for fathers to help–holding, changing, bathing, rocking, talking, soothing and even babywearing!  (Baby carriers and slings come in sizes to fit anyone.)  Skin-to-skin holding is also a wonderful way to fathers to bond.  Some men feel comfortable with all this and others need more encouragement.  It is probably less “instinctual” for fathers but is certainly as rewarding.

Turn off the phone, get on the floor and PLAY.  Even if it’s for 30-40 minutes.  Put everything aside.  Playtime is a great time for being close.  I like it because it takes me away from all the hussle of my busy adult life and helps me connect with my children.  Here are some ideas for young infants and toddlers: 

1.  Peek-a-boo.  This game is great for young infants and toddlers alike.  Be creative.  Use your hands, a book, a magazine, a pillow, a favorite stuffed animal, a door, your child’s own hands or feet.  You will get lots of laughs.

2.  Blocks.  Build and let your child knock it down.  If they are old enough encourage them to build.  Describe the shapes or colors you’re using.  Describe what you are making.  Use vehicles like cars or trucks to drive on the structures you make.  Use stuffed animals or dolls to climb the blocks.

3.  Puppet play.  My kids and I have puppet shows with all our stuffed animals.

 4.  Read.