It’s You and Me Baby

When your baby is about 6-9 months old he or she has good head control  and tends to be carried alot on the hip.  If an older infant is not crawling yet and many aren’t then his or her caregiver is doing alot of carrying.  Wearing your child in a sling on a hip is easy, comfortable, and convenient.  The sling distributes the child’s weight nicely across a caregiver’s back to easy the physical demands of lifting and carrying an older infant.  I had two big boys and would be exhausted by the end of the day just from all the lifting and carrying.  The bond that is built by babywearing is also priceless.

When a baby is worn in a sling attached to his mother he feels the rhythm of her breathing, the sounds of her heart beating, and the movements she’s making.  For newborns and young infants this stimulation helps them regulate their own physical responses.  For example, being held in a sling exercises a baby’s vestibular system which controls balance.  The sling is like a transitional womb for a new baby whose nervous system is learning to control his bodily functions and movements.  Research has shown that premature babies who are touched and held gain weight at a faster rate and are sent home sooner than babies who aren’t.  Mechanical swings and other holding devices do not provide the same benefits.  Wear your baby.  www.itsyouandmebaby.com  

Most parents would agree that it’s impossible to love your baby too much.  In addition, I say it’s impossible to hold your baby too much.  One way to show your love, help your baby feel loved,  build a lasting child-parent bond, teach healthy attachment and provide a foundation for your child to build trusting relationships in the future is to hold or “wear” your baby.  See some of our earlier posts that give more details about “babywearing” and all its tremendous benefits,  Then visit our store for a great baby sling www.itsyouandmebaby.com

You may think that holding your baby enough constitutes touching your baby enough.  But studies show that actually holding your baby in skin-to-skin contact whether laying your baby’s bare chest on your bare chest or massaging your baby in a series of massage strokes known as “infant massage” provides many benefits.  These benefits include reducing crying, improving colic, better weight gain, and closer parent-infant bonding.  Bonding is a process that takes place over time and with added touch through holding, babywearing, infant massage and skin-to-skin contact bonding takes place.  It’s a wonderful and rewarding adventure.

It’s an idea used by pediatrician Dr. Harvey Karp to describe what newborns are like for the first 3 months after they are born and what soothes them.  When a baby is born he or she will often be comforted and consoled by things parents or other caregivers do that emulate what it was like in the womb.  For example, a tight swaddle is often soothing to a newborn.  Maternity nurses are experts at swaddling.  Maybe that’s why babies are frequently sleeping quietly in the newborn nursery despite lights and noise.  They are usually tightly swaddled.  Being tightly held is like being confined to the uterus.  Wearing a baby in a baby carrier, pouch, or sling can do the same thing because it surrounds and conforms to the baby’s body.  Since mom or dad is often carrying the baby around there’s the added advantage of motion which can lull the baby.  You can hold your new baby all the time or you can “wear” him or her in any number of slings available on the market.

Did you realize that the process of bonding with your baby and creating a secure attachment would influence your baby’s success in life?  Well, developmental experts tell us that when a baby has bonded nicely with his or her caregivers it builds trust in relationships and an ability to connect with other people.  In Dr. Stanley Greenspan’s book Great Kids he says, “Throughout her life, a child must be able to ‘read’ and relate to a range of people.  As she grows up, this ability to connect will allow her to make friends and form a variety of relationships with significant loved ones, with casual acquaintances, and with colleagues and clients.  In times of stress, she will turn to those close to her to help her feel better and find solutions to problems.  Through connections with others, children and adults share the pleasures, joys, angers and sorrows of their lives.”  So bonding with your child is important, not only to feel safe and secure as an infant and child but also to form healthy, successful relationships as an adult.  The lessons of engagement start with the intimacy of an infant’s bonds with his or her parents.  So how do you “bond”?  Well, it’s a process and doesn’t necessarily start with one magical moment.  If you read some of our other posts you can get more details about fostering a bond with your baby.  In summary, here’s what you can do:

1. Talking

2. Playing (games like peek-a-boo,  my kids are 2 years and 4 years now and still enjoy peek-a-boo!)

3. Reading (even to young infants)

4. Holding, caressing, infant massage, babywearing (unfamiliar with “babywearing”?  Check out our other website www.itsyouandmebaby.com)

Many parents end up using a car seat carrier for holding their baby.  It’s a great convenience but very limiting for the baby and he or she losses out on so many advantages of being closer to mom and dad.  Once a caregiver gets used to a sling-type carrier (which can take time) it’s so much better for everyone.  Here are some advantages of babywearing: 

1) the child feels the warmth of the mother or father

2) the baby feels and hears the parent’s heart beat and voice

3) the baby smells the parent’s scent

4) it mimicks the womb making the baby feel calm and secure

5) the parent’s motion can lull the child to sleep.

In addition to freeing up the parent’s hands babywearing distributes baby’s weight more evenly across a parent’s back.  It’s better for baby and better for mom and dad.  The baby slings at www.itsyouandmebaby.com come with instuctional DVDs which can help a caregiver learn how to use one.

The antithesis of bonding is stress.  Unfortunately babies are not oblivious to stress.  When a parent is either overwhelmed, rushed, or preoccupied children, even babies, pick up on it.  They will feel less safe.  The lack of security they feel can have a real effect on them. For example, one researcher tracked stress and cortisol (the body’s stress hormone) levels in one group of children from birth to ninth grade.  They found that stress hormones in the brain may affect the development of regions in the brain that help you deal with stress.  Therefore, the more stress a child feels the less equipped he or she will be to deal with it.  In addition, we all know that stress lowers the body’s ability to fight infection–again because of cortisol release.

How do I know if my stress is effecting my baby?  The first way to know is by how you’re reacting to your baby.  If you are less patient with your baby and more easily frustrated than you are probably letting the stress get to you.  Also, if your baby is more easily frustrated than he or she is probably feeling your stress as well.  Your baby or toddler may cry more easily or more often.  He or she may be harder to console, be more clingy, may tantrum more, or even hit, bite, or throw toys.  Don’t get upset.  Use those behaviors as a sign that you need to take a time out.  What do I mean by that?  You can take a mental time out and try to put your stressors out of your mind and focus on your child.  Turn off the computer, cell phone, or house phone and just spend time with your child talking, reading, or playing.  Go to the library or playground for a change of scenary.  Maybe your situation is so stressful that you need to take a time out to be away from your child–a couple hours at the book store, your church, or going for a walk.  Find someone to watch your baby while you take some time to clear your mind.  When you get back to your baby you’ll feel better.

Don’t be afraid to talk to your baby about your feelings and about his or her feelings.  For example,  you could say,”mommy was upset but now I feel better, you may have felt scared when I was like that but you’re OK, I wasn’t upset with you.  I love you and I’ll always love you no matter what happens.”  Your baby may not understand everything your saying but they will feel comforted by your tone of voice and eventually they will understand.  Since you don’t know exactly when they might start understanding then starting to say things like this sooner than later is better.  Rushing to go somewhere is also a stressful time.  I always feel bad rushing my children to be on time.  If that happens, then I try to remember to apologize.  I think little things like that go a long way.

If you think about it reading together is a nice activity to enhance bonding with your child. A child is never too young to start reading with. It’s a time when everything else is put away and quiet. You have your child or children either on your lap, sitting next to you or laying next to you. When I was pregnant with my second son, my first son and I would lay in his bed together and read, read, read! We did this in the early afternoon. A time when he needed to rest (though he was done napping) and I needed a break.For young infants–I started reading to my children when they were only 3-4 months old–board books with close-ups of faces or other bold pictures like the Maisy books are great. Look, point at the pictures and name them. But don’t get frustrated if a young child isn’t very interested. Try another time and keep trying. My first son loved books even at 4 months old. Then at 12 months when we sat in his bed to read a night-time, before-bed story he would close the book as soon as I opened it. But every night I would open a book to read him his bedtime story. The closing-the-book phase passed and now at 4 years of age he LOVES books and book reading. It’s great. He curls up next to me and we book-read and bond!

“Skin-to-skin” contact is a well-known phrase to breastfeeding experts. It is one of the activities mothers are encouraged to do to help babies with breastfeeding but it’s a great way for both mothers and fathers to bond with their babies especially newborns. Just have your baby in his or her diaper and put him or her on your bare chest. Hearing your heart beating and feeling your warm skin are the best kinds of touch there is.