It’s You and Me Baby

Did you realize that creating a secure attachment with your baby would influence your baby’s success in life?  Well, developmental experts tell us that when a baby has bonded nicely with his or her caregivers it builds trust in relationships and an ability to connect with other people.  In Dr. Stanley Greenspan’s book Great Kids he says, “Throughout her life, a child must be able to ‘read’ and relate to a range of people.  As she grows up, this ability to connect will allow her to make friends and form a variety of relationships with significant loved ones, with casual acquaintances, and with colleagues and clients.  In times of stress, she will turn to those close to her to help her feel better and find solutions to problems.  Through connections with others, children and adults share the pleasures, joys, angers and sorrows of their lives.”  So bonding with your child is important, not only to feel safe and secure as an infant and child but also to form healthy, successful relationships as an adult.  The lessons of relationship-building start with the intimacy of an infant’s bonds with his or her parents.  So how do you “bond”?  Well, it’s a process that takes place over time.  Here are afew suggestions:

1.  Respond quickly to your baby’s needs.  When a crying baby is responded to quickly he learns that he can trust the people he is dependent on.

2. Talking and singing to your baby

3. Playing (games like peek-a-boo,  my kids are 2 years and 4 years now and still enjoy peek-a-boo!)

4. Reading (even to young infants)

5. Holding, caressing, infant massage, babywearing (the practice of wearing your baby in a baby carrier)

Babywearing stimulates baby’s brain development and cognitive learning.  Babies who are carried in a fabric baby sling spend more time in the quiet, alert state.  This is the best state for learning.  Babies in the quiet, alert state show increased visual awareness of their environment.  This gives them a distict advantage.  At the same time they are at the caregiver’s eye level.  Parents can do more showing and explaining when baby is at their level.  Studies show that more words spoken to a baby, the higher their IQ will be.  When parents are going through their day the more speaking, showing, and explaining they can do to their baby.  This has been shown to help baby learn.

All mothers know that most infants spend about 65% of the day asleep (well, if you’re lucky!).  But sometimes it can seem like infants wake up and start fussing at the most inopportune times.  When traveling or in transit, it can be a real hassle to have a fussy infant with you.  For this reason, cuddle wraps are the ideal baby carriers for infants from a couple days old to several months.  The cuddle wrap is designed to support the infant and provide them with a comfortable place to rest.  Most infants can’t resist falling asleep in a cuddle wrap, and mothers who own cuddle wraps often find that their infants tend to sleep more soundly and wake up less frequently. 

You’ll be amazed at all the time you can save by wearing a cuddle wrap to support your infant.  Instead of tending to your infant because they are uncomfortable or not warm enough, you can have your hands free to take care of all those everyday tasks.  In addition, you’ll find it much easier to cuddle with your infant when you do have the time! 

Babies worn is slings are more content.  Studies show that the more time babies are being held, the less time they spend crying.  In many cultures babywearing (i.e. wearing your baby in a fabric baby sling) is the norm.  Babies who are worn cry for only a few minutes a day versus babies in Western culture where the “normal” amount of crying is measured in hours.  Crying is exhausting for both parents and babies.  It may be damaging to the baby’s developing brain which is getting flooded with stress hormones during crying.  Babies who are content can spend their energy calmly observing and learning about everything around them.  Therefore, babywearing is especially useful for colicky or high-needs babies who are much happier when they are worn.  However, even more content babies benefit from the bonding opportunity that babywearing offers.

 Babies are born to bond.  Scientists are realizing that warm, responsive early care from parents and other caregivers helps infants thrive.  Bonding or attachment is one of the most important factors in development.  If a child feels secure that his physical and emotional needs will be met then he can use his energy to work on other areas of brain development.  A wonderful book about all of this is called Bright from the Start, by Jill Stamm.  She writes, “What sounds simply warm and fuzzy creates demonstrable changes in the brain and nervous system.  Emotion affects attention. . .and attention, in turn affects learning.  How secure a baby feels therefore influences all the development that follows.”  Bonding is not one event.  It is an ongoing experience of attachment that occurs over time.  A simple thing like responding to a baby’s needs actually helps the bonding process.  One way to facilitate this process isn’t really talked about by many.  It’s referred to as babywearing–wearing your baby in a fabric baby sling, wrap or pouch.  Baby slings aren’t sold in many baby stores which is probably why it seems like a well-kept secret.  It’s a wonderful way to bond with your baby, is comfortable and quite convenient. 

 Over the last several decades, the baby products industry has developed a wide range of products that promote separation not closeness.  For example, infant swings and bouncy seats.  These devices basically hold your baby for you while you try to eat or even go to the bathroom!  If you choose to wear your baby in a fabric baby sling, pouch, or wrap then you have the opportunity to get all the benefits of having your baby close, plus the convenience of having your arms free to take care of your own basic needs.   There are important benefits to you and your baby being in close contact through babywearing.  For example, by wearing your baby you provide 3 familiar elements:  1) steady heartbeat, motion, and closeness.  When carried a baby shares in rocking, walking, and talking with the caregiver which reduces fussing.  The rhythm of the parent’s breathing stabilizes baby’s breathing and the warmth of the caregiver helps the baby regulate his or her own temperature.  Being held increases calming hormones and decreases levels of stress hormones in the baby.  Most important is the bonding that takes place when you hold and comfort your baby.

I’m not sure if the word “babywearing” is in the dictionary, but it is a term that has been coined to desribe wearing your child in a fabric baby sling or carrier, like pictured here.  Baby slings and pouches are not new.  In the Asian culture people have been wearing their babies and children for centuries, typically on the caregiver’s back.  The Mei Tai is the asian-style back carrier, which can also be used in the front-carrying position.  There is a newer awareness, however, of babywearing as a way of parenting.  Some believe that a baby who is held and carried frequently will become spoiled.  Research actually shows that babywearing promotes a sense of security and self-esteem in children.  It heightens a caregiver’s perception of the baby’s needs.  When babies are responded to quickly then they feel secure and ultimately less demanding or “spoiled.”  It calms a fussy baby and reduces overall crying.  It provides a great convenience as well because it allows a parent the freedom to continue his or her daily routine while providing the richest, most desirable environment for their child.

We all are constantly exposed to forms of sensory stimulation.  Ads are everywhere.  Cell phone chimes ring.  TVs are on in the backround.  You may not be able to avoid all of it but you can take steps to help your baby not get overstimulated.  According to pediatric expert Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, an infant has an individual threshold for stimuli which can be used for organization and learning.  Stimulation which exceeds this threshold overloads the infant and sets up defenses which can be costly to future development.  Some things you can do are as follows:  1)  Limit TV time–for everyone in the house.  Don’t have it on in the background.  Decide which shows are important and turn it off all other times.  Babies do not need TV.  Baby DVDs and shows are abundant but no studies have shown that they are actually good for babies.  2)  Turn off your phone.  You don’t have to be accessible to everyone all the time.  Callers can leave a message when you are having quiet play time or reading time with your baby (reading is even good for young infants–point to the pictures and name them).  Babies enjoy the sound of your voice and they learn about their native language.  3)  Protect sleep times and avoid car naps–that baby gym class or play group is not more important than a good nap.  Sleep helps brain development.  It makes for a much happier child who can gain so much more from activities and social interaction when well-rested.  4)  Consider wearing your baby.  Wearing your child in a fabric infant sling or baby carrier close to mom, dad, or another caregiver helps him or her feel safe and secure.  Children can explore their environment visually from your level.  This can help them from feeling overwhelmed.

Colic is a term that most people have heard about even if those don’t have children.  Expectant parents often fear that their baby will have colic.  Colic is a term used to describe unexplained crying in a very young infant.  It can start as early as one month of age.  Colicky infants cry for long periods during a day with a sudden onset, intense cry, and inconsolability.  One way to help with colic is to wear your baby in a baby sling, pouch or wrap.  This gives the baby the comfort of being held closely, hearing and feeling the caregiver’s heart beat and respirations, and feeling the warmth of the caregiver’s body.  This simulates the womb and can be very soothing.  Baby slings and carriers are also ergonomic which eases some of the physical burden of holding the child.